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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25203232">The Distance Between Us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsmithraven/pseuds/wordsmithraven'>wordsmithraven</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Background DaisySous, Background Relationships, Crying, Empathy, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, Season/Series 07 Spoilers, Team as Family, background Philinda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:14:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25203232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsmithraven/pseuds/wordsmithraven</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Daisy struggles with accepting May’s new powers, her lack of personal emotions, and the changes they’ve caused in their family dynamic.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Melinda May &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>220</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Distance Between Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She missed holding May’s hand.</p><p>Daisy sat at the table, eating the breakfast Coulson had made for the team. She eyed May’s hands as they glided efficiently over her pancakes to pour honey in neat circles. Daisy looked down at her own sloppy, half-eaten stack and absently pushed bits of pancakes and eggs through an ocean of maple syrup. Chatter from her teammates filled the Zephyr’s kitchen but she wasn’t really paying attention. She let their voices wash over her without joining in.</p><p>Coulson liked to make meals for them even though he didn’t need to eat, at least not in private. The old Coulson, the real one, had liked to make meals too but he’d rarely had the time to do it when he’d been alive, being the Director and all. This robot version of Coulson had made the decision to make at least one sit down meal every day to bring them all together. A touch base for the team, is what he called it. </p><p>Daisy thought it was more for his benefit than theirs. A way to stay connected with them because he felt so much like an impostor, an outsider. But their family didn’t talk about stuff like that without a lot of pressing so she hadn’t brought it up with him yet, if she ever would.</p><p>Daisy’s eyes moved to where Coulson was situated to the right of May, an empty plate in front of him. Coulson was busy watching everyone else eat further up the table. He didn’t notice Daisy studying his familiar profile from across the table or notice the way May never once looked up to see Daisy taking in them both.</p><p>Things had been different for May and Coulson ever since the 70s and 80s. Daisy didn’t know exactly what had changed or what had happened between the two of them. She’d been too busy getting tortured and then being in a coma. All she knew was that Coulson was on his second robo-body and May seemed...content to have him close. </p><p>Before then, May had kept herself distant from Coulson. Even more so than with the rest of them, what with her having limited to no emotions. She’d been so cold it had been almost hostile. Now, she’d developed the ability to mimic the appearance of emotions even though she still claimed not to feel them outside of her empathy power.  </p><p>Now <em> that </em>was a shock to have learned. Five years before their trip through time, Daisy would’ve never guessed that May of all people would get a powered ability. She was the most controlled person Daisy had ever met in her life. To suddenly gain a superpower in her fifties must’ve been such a head trip. Daisy herself had had a hard time dealing with it in her mid-twenties.</p><p>The hardest part to adjust to for Daisy was not being able to touch May without overwhelming her. May had never been an overly tactile person but in recent years she’d allowed a few people contact. Coulson and Daisy were two of the privileged few that did so more regularly. </p><p>Daisy was the complete opposite of May. She loved being physically close to her family. More so when she was younger and before all of the...things that had happened to her. Still, none of her trauma had completely erased her craving for touch. Nothing reassured her more than sitting snug on a couch with Mack pressed into her side as they played video games, feeling Coulson fold her into a tight and lasting hug, or laying her head on Jemma’s shoulder while they watched movies. </p><p>Ever since she’d gotten her powers, Daisy also liked to open herself up to her family’s different vibrations when they were in proximity. Sometimes she would even alter her own frequency to sync with theirs, careful never to disturb their own natural rhythm yet still able to harmonize. When she’d revealed this to the team a few years before, Jemma had thought it was a fascinating use of her powers and Coulson had called it “cool.” Mack had looked a little sadly at her and had given her a half hug. May had simply nodded but had never asked Daisy to stop or commented in any way.</p><p>Daisy knew the term for it: “touch starved.” She knew that her childhood had ensured that she could never be any other way. With May, she’d had to curdle her constant need for contact and reserve her urge for intense emotional moments or dire, life-threatening events. Sometimes she would surprise May with a hug and May would go stiff at first but then relax into Daisy. The one contact May most welcomed was holding her hand.</p><p>Now, holding hands with May was too much for the older woman. Whenever she was with May in recent months, Daisy had to sit there vibrating with the space between them growing ever more distant and heavy. It was as if they were back to how they’d been when Daisy had first joined the team. They’d had a hard time connecting in the beginning, being such opposite people. Every day had felt like a struggle trying to overcome their differences. Daisy’s eyes started to water at the very idea of being reset back to square one with May. Not after everything they’d shared.</p><p>Daisy cleared her throat and very casually wiped at the corner of her eye before anyone noticed. She drank down some orange juice as a distraction and began to pick at her fading strawberries, her thoughts swirling in her head. To her left, Agent Sousa...<em> Daniel </em> accidentally bumped her arm when he reached for the water carafe, knocking her out of her melancholia.</p><p>“Sorry about that,” he muttered and poured himself more water.</p><p>She smiled at him absently but her heart wasn’t in it. He, unfortunately, seemed to notice her demeanor unlike the others at the breakfast table. Thankfully he had the good sense to be discreet when he commented to her.</p><p>“Are you ok,” he whispered. “Are your wounds acting up?”</p><p>Daniel very gently rested his fingers on her left forearm. His hand was warm and inviting. Daisy could feel her body start to relax at the touch. She realized exactly how tight she’d been holding herself as her thoughts about May knotted up in her head.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she replied.</p><p>His raised eyebrow betrayed his disbelief in her words. She shrugged at him, not really knowing what to say and not really wanting to get into it at the table with her team all around. The worry didn’t leave his face but Daniel let it drop. She laid her hand over his in thanks right as he was going to remove it from her arm. He took the hint and left it there after she released him, even going so far as to start eating with his left hand. His thumb began absently rubbing back and forth over the back of her wrist. Her breath caught in her throat. It took her barely a few seconds to adjust her internal rhythm until she was soothingly vibrating in time to his body, slow and steady like a deep drum. </p><p>When she looked back up, she found both Coulson and May watching her and Daniel. Daisy knew that there was no other way to interpret the moment and her cheeks heated in embarrassment. She didn’t really know what was happening between her and the man out of time, everything was so complicated and new...and <em> frightening </em>considering her cursed history. Either way, it was definitely another thing she preferred not to get into at the breakfast table.</p><p>Daisy pleaded with her eyes at Coulson and May to let it go. The two shared a glance at each other before Coulson gave her a look that Daisy knew meant the talk was going to happen sooner rather than later. Daisy curled her lips wryly and accepted that this was one uncomfortable conversation she would not be able to avoid.</p><p>“Well, I’ve had enough. This was excellent, Coulson.”</p><p>Mack’s deep baritone broke through the chatter. His chair scraped loudly from the head of the table as he pushed back and stood to leave. </p><p>Elena rose next to him, collecting her own empty dishes as well. Elena had been extremely attentive to Mack following his parents’ loss and the couple’s two year separation. The only time Daisy had seen her not by his side was when she’d gone with May to train at Afterlife for a month (six days for the rest of them on the Zephyr). </p><p>Daisy could understand Elena’s feelings. Mack said he was dealing but he would get this emptiness in his eyes sometimes that worried her. Elena’s loss of power had been a source of concern for Daisy as well but the woman was doing much better after her retreat and her reunion with Mack. Daisy was glad the two had each other to help them through what had to have been some of the worst ordeals their team had been hit with.</p><p>Elena set her dishes in the dishwasher after rinsing them and turned to the table. “We’re going to spar a little this morning. Anyone else want to join in?”</p><p>Most of the table declined, busy with other tasks related to their current mission such as it were. The truth was they were in a holding pattern with the Chronicoms, both sides licking their wounds after a particularly brutal fight in 1989. They’d been stranded in 1992 for nearly three months already with no sign of movement from the enemy. The jump drive timer indicated that they’d be there for another four months. It wasn’t quite a ceasefire but it was as close as they’d gotten in a while so the team was willing to take the time to really recuperate after their steady losses.</p><p>Mack reached down and slapped Deke’s back hard. Deke jumped and spilled a little of his coffee on the table.</p><p>“You’re coming, Deke,” he volunteered for the younger man. “May says your combat assessment score still needs work.”</p><p>Deke grumbled but allowed Mack to drag him from the table and out of the kitchen with Elena. After that Simmons cleaned up her spot and left with Enoch, who also was not eating but simply sitting with them for the company. On their way out Simmons was chatting with him about re-calibrating the jump drive. Coulson then rose to leave after whispering something to May that Daisy didn’t catch. May nodded but kept eating her pancakes which were still far from gone.</p><p>Daniel left last, finishing his eggs and finally removing his hand from her wrist after a quick squeeze. Daisy felt the disconnect like a shot of energy up her arm. She shuddered a little and her rhythm reverted back into the rapid buzz it usually held. A swarm of a million bees underneath her skin.</p><p>The click of Daniel’s newly acquired cane faded down the hall until all that was left was the sound of May’s fork scraping on porcelain and the beep of the coffee machine turning on a timer. Daisy didn’t know how to broach the topic she wanted to bring up with May, namely her new powers, so she pretended to keep eating while sneaking glances at the other woman.</p><p>“We need to train too.”</p><p>Daisy jumped. Her heel slammed back into the rung of her metal chair and she hissed at the sting. She reached down to rub at the area, using the moment to get her bearings.</p><p>“Ok,” she muttered. </p><p>May had risen and was cleaning both her own place setting and Daisy’s before Daisy could blink.</p><p>May and Jemma had Daisy on a physical therapy regimen following her coma and near vivisection. May was in charge of managing her as Daisy’s former S.O. The arrangement certainly did not help Daisy’s feelings of being back to the start with May. She was as strict a physical therapist as she’d been a field trainer. The similarities with her present training sometimes gave Daisy vertigo. </p><p>For all of that, the time they spent working on getting Daisy fit for duty was becoming precious. It was hard to find time to be alone with May what with all of the people roaming the Zephyr, the constant missions, and May’s own aversion to socializing. The training time was something they shared now and Daisy would take May being a taskmaster over nothing at all.</p><p>May led the way to her own room, one of the more spacious ones in the crew rest given her seniority. They weren’t due to train for larger stunts or combat in the lower deck for another week. Instead, May had her doing tai chi and yoga to help her balance her equilibrium. She also wanted Daisy to do a lot of toning to keep her from losing her hard won muscle memory after the period of atrophy from her coma.</p><p>Before long, they were barefoot on a mat going through their standard forms. Within an hour, Daisy fell into mirroring May perfectly. Her breathing locked in time with the older woman’s, her feet stepped softly in May’s wake, and her mind cleared of all her anxiety. Her internal vibration naturally began to sync with May’s pattern as well: the rhythm of a wave crashing on a shore.</p><p>They ended the session meditating cross legged and facing each other on the mat. They were close. So close Daisy could reach out to touch May if she wanted but she dared not to. Not anymore.</p><p>“You’re distracted,” May said, voice cutting through the silence.</p><p>Daisy opened her eyes and blinked in the low light. May didn’t sound or look angry. She didn’t sound or look like <em> anything </em>. Daisy’s heart clenched and she knew the other woman was right. She was too in her own head to meditate. The entire session was a bust.</p><p>Daisy sighed and slumped her shoulders.</p><p>“Sorry, May.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize. Assess and address.”</p><p>Daisy held back flashbacks of learning to shoot a sniper rifle, eyes widening at the effort. The hairs on her arm stood to attention. May’s voice was completely lacking in any emotion but the words still managed to knock Daisy back seven years.</p><p>May sighed but kept her own eyes closed and her back straight. “Daisy, focus.”</p><p>“I can’t, May. I really can’t,” Daisy said, exasperated. She flopped back onto the mat, her ponytail pressing uncomfortably into the back of her head, and stared up at the gray ceiling of May’s room.</p><p>Daisy heard May shift and then May’s face was blocking her view. May’s mouth was pressed tightly together in annoyance...simulated annoyance. Daisy raked her eyes across May’s face. Bare with no makeup. A small sheen of sweat from the overly warm room made May look dewy and young.</p><p>“Are you really angry or just pretending?”</p><p>May’s head tilted quizzically, her brow furrowing. After a moment, the older woman swung her body to sit next to Daisy instead of opposite her. The ceiling came back into view but Daisy could still see May moving in her periphery. </p><p>“Is that what this is about? Me not feeling?”</p><p>Daisy stayed silent. Her fingers picked at a loose thread on her tank top.</p><p>“What do you want from me, Daisy? You know that I can’t control why I’m like this.”</p><p>Daisy bit her lip. “I know, May. I really do. I wish-”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Daisy rolled her head to the side. May was wiping the sweat from her forehead with a towel and had grabbed a water bottle to hydrate from.</p><p>“Can I hold your hand?”</p><p>May paused in her drinking. She met Daisy’s eyes. From where Daisy was laying, she looked larger than life. Her hair was also in a ponytail and the pull of it made her cheekbones look sharper, more severe.</p><p>May capped her bottle and set it aside. “Why do you want to,” she asked calmly.</p><p>“I miss you,” Daisy admitted. She didn’t really know what else to say.</p><p>She could see May thinking it over. Likely she was weighing the pros and cons of feeling Daisy’s emotions or of rebuffing Daisy and dealing with that fallout. </p><p>“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” Daisy recanted. </p><p>She didn’t want to make May uncomfortable and the silence stretching out between them was starting to become awkward. May said nothing in return, still thinking. Daisy’s face started to color and her shoulders tensed, undoing all the hard work from their tai chi. </p><p>After several agonizing minutes, May gave a curt nod. She laid back on the ground next to Daisy, stretching her legs out. Daisy unfolded her own legs to match. May took a deep breath and raised her left hand up, fingers spread but relaxed. Daisy hesitated for one more second, then grabbed on. May gasped a little and her hand squeezed on Daisy’s. She lowered their joined hands to the mat between them, still grasping tight. </p><p>Daisy watched closely as May’s lashes fluttered and her face blossomed with life. Her eyes began to water and Daisy realized that she was about to start crying too. All of her worry, all of her love and uncertainty rose up in her and bounced over to May. Not only about her relationship with May but also her feelings over the team, the mission, her recent torture, her growing feelings for Sousa, her lingering grief over Coulson that still haunted her whenever she saw robot Coulson’s face…</p><p>It was too much. Daisy <em> knew </em>that it was too much...for both of them. She tried to pull back what she was feeling, using their meditation techniques to calm herself so that her emotions were less of a deluge and more of a steady stream. Daisy re-synced herself to May’s natural vibration, the act of harmonizing actually helping her calm down as much as the meditation. May’s face stilled in response, settling into an easy smile. </p><p>“Is that okay,” Daisy asked.</p><p>May’s smile widened a tick. “It’s good.”</p><p>They stayed that way for a while. How long it was, Daisy wasn’t sure. By the end, she felt so relaxed that she was in danger of falling asleep. The simple act of May holding her hand had done more for her than their entire hour of training. She’d missed this so much, she hadn’t realized until right then. </p><p>Daisy knew it wasn’t something they could do all the time. May wasn’t really up for that and Daisy didn’t want to put her through it. But maybe they could make it a different kind of ritual. A new one in their relationship. Something to share whenever May wanted to feel something other than what she got from targets and enemies, or the nothingness from robots and herself. Something to share when Daisy was feeling kind of far from the woman who had become her mother in nearly every way possible but one.</p><p>May squeezed her hand again and started to let go. Daisy relaxed her fingers and let May slip away, still vibrating like a tide rather than like her bees. May breathed in and closed her eyes to re-orient. Her face lingered with the tranquil smile she’d worn by the end of their connection. Daisy had noticed a few months back that the emotions May absorbed didn’t stop the moment she stopped contact. They persisted for a time, depending on the strength of them.</p><p>Daisy curled over onto her side to face May and asked, “What’s it like?”</p><p>May shook her head. “It’s...like a wave. One moment there’s nothing and then I touch someone and everything they’re feeling washes over me. Then we stop touching and the tide goes out, leaving faint echoes that lessen and lessen until they disappear.”</p><p>Daisy hummed, only partially understanding. That was alright, though. A person’s power was meant to be theirs to embody and understand completely. Daisy would never be able to fully comprehend May’s relationship to her new ability. Powers were such a personal, individual thing.</p><p>May turned to look at her too, her expression back to its recent <em>tabula rasa</em>.</p><p>“I do love you, Daisy,” May assured her. “I love you all. I don’t feel it anymore but I remember it. I <em> know </em>it. That won’t change just because of what’s happening to me. I’m stronger than that. Our family is stronger than that.”</p><p>Daisy’s face crumbled and she started crying. She was glad May wasn’t holding her hand anymore or the woman would’ve been bombarded. There was no way Daisy would’ve been able to stop the emotional transfer. May’s words were exactly what Daisy had needed to hear from the older woman at that moment. She’d been so afraid of something she couldn’t even describe. The longer time passed, the more that secret fear had grown. </p><p>Daisy didn’t think she could handle it if May stopped being in her life. Not after losing Coulson the way that they had. Coulson’s death had nearly broken her and the only thing that had really kept her going was May still being there to fill that void. Daisy had hoped she was the same for May but once she’d left that temple, May had lost the ability to communicate that...until then. </p><p>May’s words weren’t the perfect solution. Nothing could be until May was able to feel her own emotions again. But it was good enough for now. Good enough for Daisy to know that May wasn’t completely gone from her. Good enough to make the very specific loneliness Daisy was feeling ease in her chest.</p><p>May handed her a clean towel without comment. Daisy took it with shaking hands, making sure not to accidentally touch May’s fingers and transfer her emotions. She wiped at her face, clearing away both sweat and tears. </p><p>May’s face never changed yet, to Daisy, the distance between them felt smaller than it had ever been.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just having a lot of Daisy and May feels today. Don't @ me.</p><p>I threw in some background Philinda, PhilinDaisy, and DaisySous as a treat.</p><p>It's not beta'd so sorry about any grammar and spelling mistakes. Y'all know how I do.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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